I haven’t written in 9 months and have come to the realisation that I miss it. Tonight, I reread my previous blogs and almost cried at times to see how sad I was.
The past 9 months have been a real roller coaster for me. The first few weeks of January were my worst in quite a few months, but now they are behind me and I feel so many areas of my life have improved.
The reason I attached the above photo, is I genuinely feel that exercise has been my anti-depressant! I always feel so much happier if I have been to the gym. Even on days I don’t feel like it, I force myself to go, as I know the benefits of exercise for depression.
Healthy eating is another thing that has helped ease my depression symptoms over the past few months. One side of my brain wants chocolate and sugar. The other side knows these types of food promote negativity in my mental health, so I try and steer clear of them as much as I can.
As I said earlier, so many areas of my life have improved. I’m not as anxious as I used to be, I rarely have depressive fog for brains, and I can feel a spark of confidence and motivation creep back into my daily life, especially when training in the gym.
Having said that, there is just one thing that is bugging me. I have worked really hard to get past the panic attacks, and try not to put too much stress on myself about anything in particular. However, I’ve recently been thinking about getting back to doing triathlons, only when I have mentioned it to some family and friends, they tell me I’m not ready to sign up for that yet as it will just put more stress back into my life and I’m not yet ready to deal with that.
I have taken real umbridge to that, and also want to sign up, just to spite them. “Can’t they see how far I have become? Can’t they see how much better I am? Don’t they believe in me?” I keep asking myself.
However, having now reread my previous blogs and seeing how low I have been in the past, I think I understand why they don’t want me to sign up for a triathlon just yet. They care. They don’t want me to have any excess stress that could pull me back down to where I used to be. They can see how far I’ve become, but they can also see how much further I have still to go.
So instead of feeling annoyed and resentful of them for feeling this way, I’m going to just let it go and know that they only want what is best for me.
For the moment, I won’t sign up. But possibly in the future….