This morning I had my first depressive episode in about 6 weeks or more.
Managed to pull myself out of it through walking dogs with the hubby, but getting out of bed and putting one foot infront of the other until it passed was draining.
Is that what it’s called? A depressive episode? It’s what I call it.
Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.
So for weeks, days, hours and seconds, I’ve been anxious over teaching this weekend. I’ve spent hour upon hours planning, preparing and thinking about 10 hrs of teaching! I was almost in tears with worry this morning.
Then I go into the lesson, nail it and absolutely bloody love it!!
So why was I so anxious about it? It makes no sense!
The problem is, that this is a recurring event for me. I wind myself up for days and days over teaching these lessons. Putting knots into my stomach and giving me sleepless nights, however once I’m in the moment, all my planning and prep pays off and I’m in my element!
I know I am a bloody good teacher, but why does this anxiety keep happening? Why do I keep doubting myself and my expertise?
When will things improve?
If I don’t spend hours planning and prepping my lesson, I’ll stress about the fact I haven’t spent hours planning and prepping my lesson. However, spending hours upon hours planning and prepping my lesson allows me to waste perfectly good time stressing!!
Life is too short to be anxious. But how can I stop this viscious cycle.
Anxiety makes no sense at all! I don’t want it any more. I didn’t ask to be anxious all the time. Why did you decide to burden me with your worries?
Please go away. You are ruining my happiness and you need to leave…now!