Having depression means I have no control over my emotions. One minute I’m perfectly fine, the next I’m bursting into tears.. For no reason at all.
What is that all about?
When asked, I can’t even explain why I’m crying.
If I can make it through a day without crying, I call it a good day.
However, at the weekend, I saw some friends from work, whom I haven’t seen for over 2 months now. I was so touched that they wanted to check up on me and to show they cared, that after I left them, I sat in the car and burst into tears. These were not sad tears tho. These were happy tears.
They would only show their support to someone who was worthy of it; someone they cared about; someone they thought was special…And that person was me!
Maybe I am someone special then.
In my mind, I’ve always believed that I am nothing special, that I have nothing to offer anyone. I was always so grateful to anyone who wanted to befriend me, but never really truly believed I was worthy of their friendship or have anything to offer them in return. I was always worried that they would eventually realise this and would ditch me.
Even when given compliments or praise, I’ve always glossed over them and never actually heard them. Never truly accepted them. Never believed them.
Well, not any more.
From now on, my goal is to listen to those compliments and praise to help me improve my positive self-talk.
As I am someone special!
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to love myself!