I saw a glimpse of the old me!

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Yesterday, the brain fog of depression and the panic inducing anxiety were amazingly absent, and whilst training in the gym, I saw a glimpse of the old me (BDA- before depression and anxiety).

I had such a good time. I was able to push myself hard! I could appreciate my successes-even small ones like running 800m without a panic attack. I was able to laugh at my mistakes (like when I almost fell over when doing a single leg burpee).

I came out of the gym feeling like I was on cloud 9!

But then, out of nowhere, I burst into tears, as I’ve missed feeling like this! I miss the old me!  How sad is that?

I knew that I needed my friends and family to help me understand these emotions. So when I text them, these are the responses I got. They are all so different, but all so very much appreciated and helped me see things outside of my little bubble.

Hubby’s response: they are good tears. I knew it was still in you, just waiting to burst back out.

Sister’s response: definitely not sad at all, but you have to give yourself some time to get back there. Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

Friend’s response (Let’s call her Fairy God Mother): but you did it, so that is you!

All these responses helped me see that I am still comparing myself now to the old me (BDA), when in fact I’m still me, just a different me now. I can’t keep comparing myself to how I used to be, as I’ll never be there again! Instead I have to work on becoming the best me that I can be now. I have to embrace the anxiety and depression and know that although I’m having a rough time of it now, I will not always feel like this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

However, it is always easier said than done! But I’ll get there! I have faith in me!

 

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One thought on “I saw a glimpse of the old me!

  1. Wow that’s awesome dear. I had the same situation happened to me when I was laying in the ocean water and for a moment I felt enormous amount of love and happiness from out, around and within me. And I did wonder, omg this is how happiness used to feel. And I remember to be so overwhelmed by it, and at the same moment I felt miserable again because the next morning that feeling wasn’t there, and back in the darkness I was.

    But I wanted to say that mindfulness and meditation is helping me a lot these days. And I am getting better. Your comment that you acknowledge feeling this way and for a fact you know truly that you won’t be feeling like this forever is an exact example of mindfulness. Keep on that track because it will save you. It will definitely help you be more content with the facts of life. It truly feels renovating to be aware of myself and everything around me. Best of luck x

    Liked by 1 person

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