So basically I didn’t have a panic attack on the bike, as I didn’t go out on it. The anxiety was creeping in through last night and this morning, so decided it wasn’t worth putting myself through the stress of actually riding.
Is this a win? I’m trying to see it that way!
Instead I went to the gym and did an hour spin class, followed by some leg training. Spin was tough, so many emotions going through my brain throughout the hour class. It surprises me how many voices I can actually fit inside my brain in one go!!
My emotions literally round and round in circles from happy, to overwhelmed, to unable to cope with my back pain, to being able to push myself, to allowing myself to slow down, to almost bursting into tears! It’s ridiculous!
I’m convinced that if I wasn’t in so much pain all the time with my back, that I could cope better with the anxiety and depression. But then again, without my anxiety and depression, I could cope better with the chronic back pain!
And the thing is, I can’t focus on sorting one out and then work on another as I’m now convinced they are all linked. My recovery may be slower than I would like it to be, however sorting out all 3 in one go, will , no doubt, improve my future tenfold!
So slowly, slowly….