Hi, my name’s Nic and I’m a stressaholic!
Or so my husband tells me so!
First off, let me introduce myself. My name is Nicola and I am 34 years old, living in Surrey with my hubby and 2 cats. I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, following on from a rewarding, but stressful career as a Primary Teacher for 13 years, whilst also dealing with chronic back pain for the last 4 and a half years. Did I forget to mention that I am now a Personal Trainer? I have transitioned from being a primary teacher to personal trainer in the space of 3 years, to try and ease off my stress load and to follow a new passion of mine. Did it work? Sadly no! The job became less stressful, but instead of enjoying that fact, I then loaded up even more stress onto myself; for earning less money, working less hours, seeing my hubby less, being at the gym more, blah blah blah!
My body kept telling me enough was enough and I needed to slow down a bit, but did I listen? No!
My friends and my family were telling me to slow down and relax more, but did I listen? No!
I kept pushing myself and pushing myself to be better – must work harder, must be a better teacher, must train harder, must run faster, must lift heavier, must try harder, until slowly, slowly, panic attacks and depression entered my life.
But I still ignored this warning to stop and slow down!
My life changed the day I had a full blown panic attack whilst driving into school. I was signed off work. Since then, over time, my anxiety has slowly improved, but the depression has got worse and it’s now entering all areas of my work and life.
This is when decided to start writing a blog.
Before the depression set in hard, I found it very rewarding and helpful to talk about my anxiety with my friends and family, often being surprised at how supportive and reassuring they were.
However, since the depression has forced it’s way into my life, like a raging bull, I often struggle to find the words to explain my thoughts, let alone even open my mouth to tell anyone them. I found texting was the best way of explaining my thoughts, but there is only so much that I feel my poor friends can put up with on a constant basis. They all have their own issues and I don’t want to burden them with more of mine. See, even my anxiety crept in here – what do they think of me? Why aren’t they replying? Am I coming across as needy? Will they ditch me if I become too needy? I can’t lose friends! I need them to help me get through this!
A good friend of mine suggested I start writing a blog to help get my thoughts out of my head. (The voices are rather loud at the moment lol). So here I am. I have no clue what I’m going to write about, but if I can un-jumble the voices going round in my head, surely that must help. Right?? And if my writing helps anyone else, then thats win-win!
So why have I called the blog ‘The confessions of a Stressaholic’?
Well its simple.
My husband has for years joked that I love stress. That I’m addicted to stress.
If I don’t have stress, then I stress about not having something to stress about!
But stress was and is a way of life for me.
Stress has kept me afloat in all those difficult times as a multitasking teacher.
However, it is now believed that the chronic back pain I have had for 4 and a half years, is linked to stress and how my body perceives pain. After seeing every type of doctor under the sun, and still no one knows how to cure me, I have come to the conclusion, that I need to learn how to cure myself.
And how do I do that?
I need to deal with the stress in my life and start changing the way in which I deal with it.
Hence, the reason I’m finally admitting to being a stressaholic.
My name’s Nic, and I’m a stressaholic!